Be Good, Be very Good

"Be Good".

This is a common phrase spoken by parents as they leave for an evening out and a babysitter is in charge.

It is part of the phrase my husband and I often say to our own adult children as they leave for a trip, adventure, or evening out with friends--"Have fun, but be good" is what we say.

I have been thinking about what that simple Phrase means. In a way, it is a very "loaded" statement. It puts pressure (all be it reasonable) on the child and babysitter. It, hopefully, causes the adult 'child' to think about his/her behavior and be more responsible. These are all good things--but I think the phrase is over used and has lost some of it's impact because of the frequent use.


What else could we say to the child being left with a sitter or the 20-something going out for the evening or a weekend trip with friends. What could we say that has more impact and maybe would accomplish what we seek. That is, a well behaved child that does not disrespect the sitter therefore the sitter will be more willing to return for another evening our (good sitters are very valuable to a family). What is it that would keep the young people safe on the roads at night or in a strange city. Words matter--I believe words make a great deal of difference in my life and in the lives of those I speak to, so I want to choose my words carefully. That is especially true in the fore mentioned situations.

Why not be more specific and raise the bar of expectation with our children. Maybe something like this: "I know what a charming and fun child you are, we are very lucking to have this intelligent and caring sitter here tonight. Please show her the respect you show your teachers at school or the minister at church (whatever fits for you situation) and have a wonderful evening together. Your parents want to go out and enjoy our time together; we can not do that if we are worried about what is happening with you. We love you and want you to enjoy yourself and we want this sitter to want to come back another time."

For the 20 something person: "Honey, we trust you or we would not be OK with the plans you have made (for the evening or weekend). This does not mean that we do not worry about things that can happen to young people. It is easy to get 'caught-up' in the moment and forget to use good judgement. Please think before you act tonight (this weekend) and always us the good judgement that has made us so proud of you in the past (through in a concrete example).

I know this takes a little planning--they will not be willing to stand and listen to a long winded goodbye like this at the last minute. In fact it would have a lot more impact--I think--if this is delivered during the day or even, (for older 'children') the day before said trip or outing.

Wow! That was very preachy!

Take care,
MissT